C4G Funny Shit Thread!!! (NWS)

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Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving.................

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. Im in the mood for a little white meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

[chrisrefaei]

hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

[ReggaeRampage]

Nice.

[Dergoma]

yeah that was Def. Funny

[liquidsilver]

The New White House

[Danester]

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel. I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot) Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in theglue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelopethat needs sealing.Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a waterbuffalo on a hot day.Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the carso a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make theseproducts are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God'on their cans.I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be prickedwith a needle infected with AIDS.I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a numberfor or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brownAfrican spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in theparking lot because it probably was placed there bya sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...Have a wonderful day... Oh, by the way.....A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[4gAddict]

Haha. Got me on the mouse one xD

[x0xaprildawn]

Bahahahaha....

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Some hard on...

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Horse's wood

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Chihuakey...?!?

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Wow... that picture taker's radar is DEFINITELY outta whack!!!

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Mavericks Unite!!!

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[Danester]

that wedding cake topper it awesome......

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Sex... in real life...

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Why Girls Don't Fart

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Hand Vagina

[liquidsilver]

Have you ever wondered where the phrase 'You Gotta Be Shittin' Me'' came from?

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in
Washington 's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, cont inued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for near ly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.'
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on th e door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.. How many men do you have?'
Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'
And the Madam said,
'You gotta be shittin' me.'

[Slippercream]

Ahhh that's a great one!

[liquidsilver]

A Modern Parable....for what it is worth

A Japanese company (Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people r owing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses . The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India ..

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses... and now wants the Government to 'bail them out' .

IF THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

[pdiddy1995]

so Toyota (a Japanese owned company) has their vehicles manufactured in the US and they have some of the highest quality vehicles on the road.

Ford, Chevy, and Chrysler (US owned companies) have their vehicles manufactured abroad and make some vehicles with poor quality.

So in buying "American" we're actually buying foreign made crap, and when buying foreign, we're actually buying American made quality.

I think i've just gone crosseyed

[liquidsilver]

Hahah

[Slippercream]

or slit-eyed

[Slippercream]

Ok... I just LOOOVE this new soapbox topic like fish to a freshly popped can of worms
I know it's just so OT, but I just have to say something to this regard...



America has always been big on concepts, ideas, opportunity. Everywhere you go to do business in this country, it's these three that are most appreciated. Those, and of course, cash. Problem is, we put a price tag to pretty much everything in this country as well. Intellectual property, goodwill, net unrealized value (liability/opportunity cost), time, and projections. We love quantifying so much... so much so that we spend so much cash making sure our figures are correct, that we often forget they're only tools and not the meat of things.

I just love that word. Meat. I use it everyday at work. I'm sure other people think I'm strange for using the term so much, alongside other buzzwords like "perception" and "expectation". And frankly it's a strange dynamic, because the two latter words encapsulate what I would consider as 80% of my work.

I "add value" to the organization. I don't "make money" for it. Yet I'm a necessary asset, supporting "mission-critical initiatives."

It's so funny that some of our most stable products as a nation are intangibles. "Quality" is one of them. "Assurance" is another. Movies and motion pictures are made in the US, but they're printed in Mexico. Construction and oil+gas are another, but they often utilize foreign labor to get the job done. Insurance, financial services, and "healthcare" are other good examples, with hardly any tangible "product" or "good" passed on to the consumer, and even in the event that the purchaser should warrant the services of these agencies, benefits are so much less than they're worth in premiums, deductibles, and payables.

Much like how we as a people demand so much of others and ourselves, we end up demanding abstract concepts, often forgetting that there's tangible stuff out there that needs to be moved.

Products have to be made. People need to be employed and empowered to buy your products. Newer and better products need to be made so the lives of the people can improve, and business can stay competitive.

Instead, W. Edwards Deming goes to Japan, trains the little Asian people and awakens the sleeping industrial giant. We sell our jobs (economy) to the cheapest bidders overseas. Restrict intellectual and skilled workers from entering the country and advancing our technologies and processes by leaps and bounds, and yet we allow the traffic of foreign students in so easily, then export our diplomas so freely for other nations to benefit from. All while government totally takes a seat to let the "free market" run rampant, thinking "Sarbanes-Oxley will prevent disaster from happening on a large scale", and companies consolidate and executives form their happy mutual-benefit clubs.



Ohh America. And you wonder what went wrong.



Americans are stupid. So demanding, yet so blissfully ignorant.

[liquidsilver]

Wow

[liquidsilver]

The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another
six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, 'Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. '
Mrs. Cohen answered, 'So did my arthritis!'

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Dunno why... Strange pic, but somehow hilarious. Can't explain why.

I just had to repost

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Those with a dirty mind will get this...

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[360jeepboy]

I so didn't see that lamp until I looked at it for 5 min....

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One more just for you, Kennan

[360jeepboy]

Sometimes I wonder where you get this crazy stuff from Lawrence..

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[360jeepboy]

Your talking to me with pics

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